Strava addict

We’ve all met this guy. This is the guy who is always top of the Strava leaderboards. His entire raison-d-etre seems to be to cycle or run more hours, kms, metres climbed, etc. in a week than anyone else. People used to complain about Strava segment hunters, but Strava addict is long past this. He hardly has the energy to get out of bed let alone try to get a KOM. It’s always possible to fit another hour in a day and Strava addict will make sure it is logged while closely scrutinising every other cyclist in his Club for any resistance they may put up to his total Strava leaderboard domination. Checking Facebook used to be the thing; now it is checking Strava. Whether it is an Edge on the bike, an 810xt on the wrist, a Garmin Swim or even just his smartphone Strava app, it’ll catch every heart beat beaten in exercise.

Occasionally someone in a club will have a big one-off training week, but Strava addict just sees the challenge and ups his training. Strava addict was once 15 stone but now weighs 11 and feels fat all the time. His bike used to feel light, but he is so knackered that lifting it, it feels heavy. He needs to rest but this brings on the fear; the fear of losing his place on the Strava leaderboard. He has worked too hard for too long to let anyone else in. You should not mock Strava addict, you should help him. It could be any one of us. I suggest the following steps to such addicts:

#1 – Get a coach who knows how to say stop (and will take away your devices).

#2 – Try an activity which cannot be recorded on Strava (like sleep).

#3 – Listen to your body (its saying: “fuck you Strava, I used to like exercise”).

Alternatively, go full addict on it and kill those leaderboards for as long as your body can survive, while toting a defibrillator on your back to avoid killing yourself. Perhaps upgrade to Strava Premium so you can chart your progress toward total collapse. Following collapse, remember you are not a Tour de France rider or elite marathon runner and no one will be interested when you disappear from the leaderboards. There is little kudos in collapse. Worst of all those lazy-assed bohemian crazies who rest a little from time to time will rise to the top of the leaderboards. Save yourself: rest.